Today I finalized a negotiation with a new vendor that will save my company for millions in the next two years. It was a great way to end my week and a perfect start for the coming days off. The weekend felt as a well deserved reward as I fell exhausted in to the couch.
As I was laying there quite pleased with myself, it dawned on me that the feeling of accomplishment was a luxury I rarely granted myself. Usually I am more focused on what I have not done and I have a tendency to go through the list of unfinished task in my mind. This time I could not deny my success, not even to myself. And there lays the key.
I know for a fact that my coworkers are putting as little effort as possible in to evaluating my life and career, they are to busy with their own life. So to face the reality, let me start by admitting that I am the biggest judge of my work. It is awful that I will never pass my own test fully, and that is after all the only test that matters. For my company each accomplishment is easily forgotten. Next week there is a new contract and new analysis that need to be finished. And even though the result from that work will not have as big of an impact as this week, it does not mean I am not successful. I realize that, I understand it.
I strongly believe that you have to see your accomplishment in relation to where you started, and the journey to your success.
But to say I understand it and to live by it, is two compleetly different things. I am often forgetting this mantra in my everyday hectic life, when I find my self in the heart of all the tasks that need to be finished. Then I am too busy trying to improve my own effort. And even though I have always thought that all of us have a minor tendency for the “Good Girl Syndrome”, I have not considered that I would be a typical example. Now as I am rewinding my reward methodic, I seem to be more in to that category then I like to admit. I am beating myself up over what I did not do more often, then i am rewarding my self for what I did accomplish. And I do not seem to realize what I am successful with on a daily basis. You see… that is just something that I will expect from myself.
What about you?
Do you see the good things that you do every day? The positive contributor you truly are to your surroundings? That the smile you gave to a coworker actually brightens their day? Or that you deliver your work in time and therefor are the reason for other peoples success and a piece in the big machinery? Do you just expect this from yourself? Or do you actively reward yourself for it?
Do a small test with me. How often do you come home from work and think to yourself. Today I did an excellent job, and they ought to be thankful to have someone like me. Do you instead think of what you could have done differently? Maybe you are like me, that you have to accomplish something so visible that it is impossible to deny it before you actually give yourself that pat on the shoulder?
It is time for a change
Today I am gone write down a list on all the good things I did during the week, and I will continue to do so next week. So if I forget to reward myself during the week, I will take the time to say the rewarding words in to the mirror each Friday. I will need to practice, but it will be worth my effort. This time I am focusing on the small things. As an example I ensured to recommend my coworker on his accomplishment this week, so he knew he had done a good job or I called my best friend on Friday just to say that I was thankful that he was in my life.
I am worth the effort and I deserve the credit. It is time I start realizing that.